Sunday, April 5, 2009


I love meeting the bloggerati! That's not my word, but one I saw in The New York Times (more about that later), that made me laugh. Are we really the bloggerati, or more specifically the decorati bloggerati?

Cherry blossoms imported from the east coast on my desk

As decor bloggers travel, they are now making dates to meet one another. It's fun to meet the person you feel so connected to via your daily reads, comments, and e-mails. Sometimes schedules don't meld, and the meeting doesn't happen. This happened to me once, and I thought maybe bloggers prefer to just be a screen friend (which I can understand and respect). But no, in my case, she was just busy, and we actually met the second time I got to her neck of the woods, and had a terrific meeting of the minds.
Another great bloginista tried to make a coffee connection when a fellow blogger visited her city, and felt really bad like he blew her off when their schedules conflicted. Yet another blogger present was giving me the "you see" eye, "you see how he is".
Girls and guys, really sometimes schedules just conflict! Don't take it to heart! Learn that a "sorry can't make it" or even a simple "no" is just that. Everybody still loves you even in a world of no and missed connections.

Cherry blossoms peaking today in Washington DC

Last weekend I had several DB's (decorati bloggerati) over to my house. It was a blast! Of course I let them into every nook and cranny so they could satisfy their visual curiosity. And then we all got to talking, and yes we do talk about other bloggers not present.
This weekend two very cool, talented, and fabulous bloggers visited New Orleans from the west coast. Another New Orleans DB hosted a wonderful dinner party for us, and the conversation was lively, naughty, heartfelt, and three hours at the table went by like minutes instead of hours.

The lady from the west confessed to being a people pleaser, and thus keeps her blog writing very pleasant. The hostess from New Orleans is a confessed southern belle, and knows the rules of playing nice like nobody's business. We all confessed to writing one another (and other DBs) privately, really letting our hair down, but never having the guts or fool hardiness to express our truer stronger opinions on our own blogs. We know it's all a bit like High School Confidential ha ha.

I guess I'm the most mouthy one on my blog. It's not that I want to be ill mannered, but it's my blog, that I write for my pleasure, and hopefully for the enjoyment of the random reader that stumbles upon it.
I also am older. As one gets nearer the grave, one hopefully learns what matters and what does not. I am nice. I am generous. I love life. I like people. I do have a sassy attitude, and I do express it. I never tried to please others at the cost of undermining or over inflating my self confidence. Not everybody loves me, and that's okay. I don't love everybody either ha ha. But I am loved, and I love many.
Believe it or not, I do self edit, because I detected a bloggerati code of conduct long ago. And to a certain extent I respect the rules of the road: Try to be nice. No politics. Not too sexy. Comment unto others as they comment unto you. Link to other bloggers. Answer e-mail.
In itself the code is not too hard to live with. But sometimes it is just a bit shallow when everyone refines their screen personality to the point of it becoming a facade.
Blogs are the new magazines, so they say, but I think better than the old magazine format in that they are very much more personal. When a blog imitates impersonal editorial style, a blog loses the essence of blogging.
On the other hand, a definitive journal can be excruciating. Walking a line between the two is what good bloggers do.

I recently unmoderated my comments. I don't really have time to collect them in my e-mail inbox, read them, and re-route them. I have stopped being a comment collector, or running for the office of comment queen. I also can take the good and the bad comments in stride.
Zillions of people read blogs, so if one or two or even twenty don't dig y0u and take the time to leave those fantastic anon comments, then big deal.
Some of my dearest blogging friends get really upset and thrown off kilter by a non nice anon comment. I mean these are grown up people, accomplished professionals, talented above and beyond, secure in their lifestyle, and man they can go to pieces over some crappy comment. I feel for their distress, but try to remind them that what we do on blogs is not that important in the scheme of the universe. And certainly a baseless anon comment is even less than a speck of a speck of the universe's dirt and debris. Shake it off, laugh, and be gleeful for the press!
Another blogger taught me his philosophy: He thanks the idiots for the page hit! And now, so do I.
The southern belle grumbles that decor blogging has changed so much, that it's getting more high school. I think as we blog longer, we get to know each other, and we speak our minds, and I think that's a good thing. I mean what do we have to fear? That someone won't like the rooms we show? That someone won't believe our magazine life or pumped up resume we put on OUR blog? That someone GASP doesn't like our research or writing?!!! That someone thinks we're too young; too gay; too straight; too granny; too good looking; too happy; too pathetic; too successful; too loser; too boring; too smart; too fat; too educated; too fake; too real...Well you get the idea.
I frankly do not care. I am happy with myself. And I'm happy if you enjoy what I enjoy, i.e. this meaningless blog.

Recently I had a private e-mail exchange with another blogger, and we disagreed about something. It boiled down to him wanting me to remove someone from my blog list who he found offensive, and when I declined, he demanded I remove his blog from my blog list.
I declined his demand (after all it is my blog ha ha), and he flipped me the bird in one of his postings. I was so flattered! Really! Here's a guy who ignored me like forever, and now he references me!
Thanks for the page hit indeed!
And I love the smarmy, snarky high school quality of it! It makes me laugh and feel oh so young. I felt so honored, and added his accolade to my shelf of Fickle Finger of Fate awards!

Why am I writing about this? I guess the great conversation at the dinner table last night provoked me. I would like bloggers to be more real, more natural. There are the blogs that are so pristine and fine, and I appreciate the scholarly loftiness and hard work that goes into to them. And often I learn something from them too. But I have so much more fun at lunch or recess or between classes, finding out what's really on your beautiful minds.

Now back to The New York Times:

CONSIDER the erotic potential between blogger and commenters. The blogger is boss, a salon host with wit and whip. Certainly a blogger thrives on commenters — who wants to declaim to an empty e-room? But let’s be clear: blogger, sovereign; commenters, courtiers.

The queen, boss, wit and whip, salon hostess with the mostess

What do you think of this statement ha ha. Read the entire article HERE if you have time.
I certainly do not consider myself a queen bee to be courted by readers, or a candidate for erotic potential ha ha.

Commenter courtier providing erotic possibilities

Time to get up from behind the desk, and go out and enjoy my only day off. Not that I don't enjoy ALWAYS spending my down time with my fellow bloggerati!

My desk after the bloggerati blow out last weekend at my house


Linda Merrill said...

Love, love, love this post! I'm thrilled to be part of the Decorati Bloggerati!

And, good for you for sticking to your guns and not editing your blog to the taste of another. Yay you!

Hill Country House Girl said...

Great post, great perspective and so glad you had a fun dinner party. My most favorite thing is to sit with friends around the dinner table and share wine, talk, laughter,tears, stories, more wine, (you get the picture) We blog because it is fun and interesting and connects us with others of like interests......maybe those who are so easily agitated just need to get a life. You go, girl!

vicki archer said...

Bloggerati - I hope you don't get pursued buy the bloggerazzi! This post is fabulous and was such a good, love it. xv

Jill said...

Thoroughly enjoyed this post!

Visual Vamp said...

The bloggerazzi!
You made me laugh so hard!
I don't mind them as long as they use photo shop ha ha!
I hope the bloggerati sitting across the table last night and taking all those photos of us dishing deep is reading the part about photo shop!
Thanks all for reading and commenting. You know I love y'all!
xo xo

Julia @ Hooked on Houses said...

Amen! Great post. And I love the term decorati bloggerati. How fabulous does that make us sound?

Vicky's comment about the bloggerazzi cracked me up. I guess we'll know we've made it when we have to wear sunglasses inside grocery stores and restaurants. ;-)

Pigtown*Design said...

I read that article in the Times this morning and thought it was interesting. I don't feel like the queen at all. i just throw things into the ether and see what happens.

For a little while, I tried to write about what I thought my readers would be interested in, but then I decided to write about what I am interested in!

I am so glad we had a second chance to get together. The timing was just bad the first time.

Mrs. Blandings said...

It's just supposed to be fun. It should be the cause of worry and fret and all the nonsense. Of course some people like some blogs (and bloggers) better than others. Like life. It is just all seeming so serious sometimes. For heaven's sake, I know nobody really cares about my lamps. How I would love to head to New Orleans - seems it has been such a destination of late.

Visual Vamp said...

Oh Patricia,
I care about those sweet granny lamps, I really care ha ha!
And blogging is the best fun for sure!
Thanks for reminding us all of that!
And baby, I'm waiting for you here in New Orleans with open arms!
xo xo

Dianne said...

Love you,,,love this blog. I've said it before but it's so true!!!!!

Linda@ Lime in the Coconut said...

Touche! The way I REALLY see it...It's all just fluff and stuff. Fun, light...mostly nothing sometimes everything. A beautiful diversion for real life. Not much more. Love your all the voices I check out regularly. Which ever incarnation they take.

Velvet and Linen said...

I have no idea what you are talking about, Valorie! HA HA!
As you can only imagine, I found this post fascinating and so relatable! I felt as if you were talking to directly to me. ;)
Your opinion was like a breath of fresh air. Screw people pleasing.
I am so thrilled to be part of the bloggerati with wonderful people like you!


Karen said...

As always, so "Valorie"!!
And, hey, you know, if they don't like us - that's THEIR problem, cause we like us just fine!!
You go girl - and then some!!

Visual Vamp said...

Let's hear it for the bloggerati!
And Brooke, you are so very pleasing to people just as you are.
xo xo

Rebecca Corvese said...

Bravo! You go girl! I love it that you did not remove the "offended blogger's" blog from your blog. Can't we all just get along? lol.... :)

Anonymous said...

I'm so happy you enjoyed a good Saturday evening with your compadres. I really am:)
The picture of the cherry blossoms on your desk is so delicious that I had to save it onto my computer.

Renée Finberg said...

i am one of the people who love you.

i think this was a wonderful post. it put so much in perspective for many of us.

i thank you.

Willow Decor said...

Love this post and so sorry I couldn't spend more time with you in New Orleans!

I am also a people pleaser and wish I had your more of your confidence and great outlook. It woudl save me many sleepness nights. I know now who to email when I need a pep talk!


cotedetexas said...

my ears were ringing and itching last night Miz V and Miz Brooke!!!!! oh hahahahha God I wish I was THERE!!!! no fair!!!!

Renae Moore said...


Good preachin' sistah! Well said and I love the decorati bloggerati bloggarazzi!
Life is way too short to worry about other's opinions....blogging should be fun and I am with you, if someone else finds joy in what I like then good for them!

I was watching Dancing with the Stars last week and the dance was the tango.....I thought of you!


Linda in AZ * said...

* Well, Vivacious Valorie, I CAN'T comment cuz I don't HAVE a blog (!) ... but, MAY I say "THANK YOU" to those who DO???? And if there IS some "pettiness", maybe sometimes others need to be "gently reminded" that nobody's trying to build the Parthenon here~~~ just a few fun friendships, sharing of ideas, advice, knowledge, laughs, etc. I'd be "sorta LOST" without many of your blogs, my friends, so PLEASE CONTINUE to let me read n' enjoy you all!!!~~~ Warmest to all & MANY THANKS, Linda *

Maria Killam said...

I so agree with you that the more 'authentic' a blogger is the better their blog is. I like what Penelope Trunk says, if everyone is nodding like sheep - that is BORING. What we bloggers need to do is find the edge and write there, otherwise you just blend into everyone else's blog and cannot stand out. Cheers to you for writing such a fabulous and real post :)

Unknown said...

I really like this post. I still struggle to be completely honest in my blog, sometimes saying things to please people (I also do it in my offline life!). Blogging can be great but it can also put a lot of pressure on you to get more readers, or more comments... and then you stop enjoying it. And if you don't enjoy writing it, nobody will enjoy reading it.

Debra said...

Oh Ditto-Ditto! I love the real-ness {is that a word???} of this post. I think that some bloggers may spend more time editting what they are trying to write-just to get it soooo very correct. Something is certainly lost in that exchange. Thank you for encouraging realness-I just decided-it IS a word.

The Blushing Hostess said...

As a matter of fact I am just back from the Cherry Blossom festival - gorgeous! Ummm, it probably will not surprise anyone that I have not been curbing by voice to please :)
Anyway, right on, Sister. It's about your taste, not a democratic agreement and a clubby black-balling threat if others don't share the party line or tow it to suit the more well-read blogs. To censor a blogger is a kin to burning their book and while I may not have them up on my roll or particualrly want to read their drivel myself, I will take a stand for their right to slobber drivel everywhere. Our individualism is what makes our planetary blog community brilliant and glittering. I'm with you: Down with losers. p.s. thank you for posting my picture! Such a great surprise this morning!

Unknown said...

Sometimes all it takes is just one post to bring me out of lurkdom (if that's a word) and this was the ticket. I've been lurking for oh, I don't even know how long (a long time). And I believe this is my first comment. I enjoy what you post and always look forward to my little visits in your corner of the world. Thank you for making it a brighter place and for speaking the truth. Amen!

Blessings - Debbie

MFAMB said...

a. your blog is great, you are great.
b. thanks for visiting my blog
c. i started my blog with the intention of joining a group (decorati bloggerati-as it were)that seemed to love the same things as me. my personality has ALWAYS been on the snarky side LOOOONG before i got into design. so it only stands to prove that whoever you are as a person is probably who shines through in your blog writing.
d. i feel it is common courtesy to leave a response to all who comment on your blog. i don't always do so out of time contraint but i at least re-comment on my own comment page. i think the reason i do this is i HATE FUCKING HATE when some people don't respond to your comments on their blog at all...EVER! you bitches know who you are! especially when i have a GODDAMNED question! and a part of me wants to blogcott them but they are so entertaining that i just can't!
so really to sum it up, i think being a people pleaser is a giant waste of time b/c its impossible to accomplish. and frankly who cares if people disagree with you. i would never edit my opinion of something b/c i may risk offending people. im sure my view on politics and religion would offend most. but a total lack of regard for your fellow bloggers makes you seem like an asshole.
i try to meet somewhere in the middle.
ok then. see ya later!

Anonymous said...

Dear Vamp, You made me laugh this morning! Thank you!
Amanda talley

Anonymous said...

I must say I am totally stunned that a GAY blog writer would ask you to boycott another blog he finds offensive! Especially one living in LA. You would think those that are oppressed against would be more tolerant...

pve design said...

From the very start of reading your blog, what I loved most was your being real, not being perfect, but the passion that you exude is so real.
I often wonder where the entire blog frontier will lead each of us, but had you not had a blog, nor me, then the two of us n'er meet. For me, the positive far outweighs the negative. That's so old school. Now we all need to grow up and act like we know best.
I bow humbly. I crown you Queen Val!
I would love to see your crown!

Visual Vamp said...

OMG! Thank you all for keeping this discussion so real!
You are a courageous bunch and I love you even more!
And to My Fav My Best, I am adding you to my blog list right now!
Where have you been all my blog life?!!
xo xo

GrannySmithGreen said...

I can't begin to tell you just how much I LOVE this blog post. Keeping it real and relaxing. Yes, blogging should be for fun, for play. Some have been turned their blogging into a job of sorts. I don't want to do that. I sometimes find myself stressing over the next post. Take last night: I stayed up WAY too long. I would have done much better by my "real life" if I had just gone to bed--or to a good party in NOLA!

Now, a confessional of sorts: I once left a "not so positive" comment. I truly regret being critical. What kind of mood was I in? From then on, I decided that there was no place for negativity. We really should build each other up. Isn't life really just about the relationships? O.K. enough deep thoughts.

Thank you for being so open, kind, funny and real. I LOVE THIS POST!!!!

Visual Vamp said...

Dearest Granny,
Never feel bad for leaving a negative,, snarky, bitchy, provocative, etc. comment! NEVER!
You can always be honest here.
I am so happy you take time to read AND comment.
You are a nice person, but you don't always have to say nice things ha ha.
We still know you're nice ha ha!
Love you!
xo xo

MFAMB said...

wow! thank you soo so much for singling me out today! normally that would make me feel like i had done something wrong!! HAHA NOT SO TODAY!!!! today i feel honored. very honored indeed. i have been following your blog for a while now via eddie ross. you are a cheeky babe! i love you much!
i would have answered this call to arms much sooner but i have been wrapped up in my boyfriend edward cullen's arms for the last few hours. i just finished twilight. had to b/c i needed to watch the movie before my 4 year old got home from the beach. watching rob pattinson alone is dangerous. ;)
you bet your sweet ass i am going to add you to my list!

annechovie said...

Hi Valorie! First let me say I really enjoyed your post and found your points very well taken. I agree we should be real and polite...the two are not mutually exclusive. I hear ya on the hater comments...not long ago I had this one commenter tell me my feet were so ugly it was making them sick. LOL. Really, I think those kind of comments are just cheap shots from angst-ridden readers. Like a toddler throwing a tantrum for no reason - they just need a nap! You are right, we shouldn't get too bent outta shape. Keep up the great work!

The Blushing Hostess said...

Just wanted to mention I am so addicted to this topic that I returned to see the comments a second time today - anyone else?
Be well, Vamp!

Anonymous said...

I can't blog my way out of a paper bag, but I'm good at gathering good stuff.

I have started a blog named Best of Visual Vamp here,

The idea is to have a depository of some of the best postings of the Visual Vamp.

How to decide on which ones are the best?

How about you gorgeous and beautiful bloggerati visiting the blog and leaving a comment with a link or a title of the Top Ten best posts you think we should include in the blog?

Anonymous said...

Yes! More page views! Maybe THAT will fill the emptiness.

Visual Vamp said...

Ha ha ha. You ought to know dear anon 3:35, as you fill your empty life being a pest and a hater. Thanks (again!) for the page hit
xo xo

Sarah's Fab Day said...

This post completely brightened my morning. I loved your take, thanks!

Sylvie said...

I LOVE your spirit and point of view! You are rich.....enriching.

A dose of reality on my blog:

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